can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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