It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
