Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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