Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
