I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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