he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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