Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sobbing to NWA
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
