im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
