I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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