I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
