my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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