mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
