So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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