He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
