he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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