she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
