Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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