i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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