Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
