He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
