Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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