Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
