I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
