they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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