Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
