she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
