i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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