I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
