Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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