I wish I could teleport
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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