one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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