Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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