I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize