There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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