Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
