I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
