My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
