he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
