Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
