Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
