bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
