nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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