Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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