I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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