She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
