Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
