No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
