I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My penis needs a shock collar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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