You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
