He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
