ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
