i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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