Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
