and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
