Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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