I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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