And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
