Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
