Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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