I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
