Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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