loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
