dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize