I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
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Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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