Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Non-Jews are for practice
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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