I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
