I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
